Bismillah.As salaam u alaikum.
I have broken my tawbah at least thousand times in past two years as a consequence I feel like Iman has gone from mine heart. I feel like everything is fake. Feel like there is no God(Mazallah),feeling attracted towards atheism (astghfirullah). Also I am unable to concentrate in studies and unable to respect parents.Also suffering waswaas from past three years from blasphemous to waswasas in wudu. Please help.
2) I did dhikr of Allah and habiballah(s) and saw three light on my walls for few seconds never saw it before and again.What was it?? not a murid but I love awliya. Forgive me for my ill manners
Allahumma Salle ‘Ala Sayyidina Maulana Muhammad wa anzilhul maqadal maqqarabah indakah yaumal qiyamati.
wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullah,
You are not any different than any of us, we are all sinners and full of ego, rotten character, evil whispers and nothing will save us but Allah’s Rahmat. To realize this is part of the path, “Who knows himself knows his Lord” because the Lord is nothing like us. Continue, seek the shelter of a living guide and keep constant in salat and istighfar whenever waswasa comes. The light you saw is the light of your guide, the light of Rasulullah (s) and a divine light carrying a Divine tajalli and Allah knows best.