Salamu alaikum my dear shuyukh,
I swore not to see MSH for 1 month if i went back to that sin & now it has been 4 months & its killing me.
“Sometimes the shaykh leaves the mureed to teach him Adab“~MSH
I feel that is his message but does it mean?
wa alaykum salam,
“Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn’t matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again , come , come.” – Jalaluddin Rumi
Not seeing your Shaykh is a bigger sin in the eyes of the mashaykh, go and see him.