Question:
Assalamu alaykum,
I and my wife have some significant different characters. This may be the main cause why we have constant conflicts. I (and I think she as well) are unhappy together due to this. We have two daughters. Please advise.
Answer:
Audhubillahiminashaytanirajeem
BismillahirRahmanirRahim
Wa alaikum salaam,
Wishing you and your family the best of health and kindness between hearts.
A question like this is too big to be fully answered in an online format such as this but we can offer some reflection.
It sounds like you are seeking to understand the sources of conflict in your relationship that at times or for periods of time difficult to feel a sense of harmony, warmth and affection in the home. Dynamics of fighting and discord persist and the results of fighting and divorce can be akin to the splitting of an atom that leave toxic waste for the family and humanity to suffer.
Allah blessed you with a union that resulted in two daughters with forces of love involved. That love needs cultivation and nurturing with the attribute of al-Wadud, the loving familiar between hearts and personalities. Atoms spin and generate powerful force and chemistry through fusion. We have opportunity to cultivate such beautiful force through intention and living beyond the ego that splits family and humanity. If you and your wife can embrace this challenge of responsibility for your feelings and attitudes toward each other to be geared towards love and affection from Allah between you there may be a chance. If each or one if you insists or resists resolution the energy will worsen and the family will be subject to the consequences of divorce.
This affair of divorce is a great source of misery in this time, commitment to overcome the old patterns and reach our highest self is one of the biggest opportunities. This is not as we desire but if we find the Divine desire for us we discover solutions from higher realms of self that appear. May Allah help!
Fi amanillah!
Kamau
