Request:
askm,
please pray for me, i know the word divorce is that which allah himself does not like and i also do not want to get it .but some unavoiding circumstances have been and are still being created by my father-in-law, due to which i start to object to,and it becomes the reason of our disputes.his father does not give space to our relationship, his father thinks my only duty is to make food and serve it. we were not allowed to go out alone and spend some time after marriage, the consequences of which is that my husband becomes habitual of seeing my presence in the home, now does not care about me. my husband is very namazi, recite durood taaj 1000 times a day, some extra ibaadat which is recommended by his father so we also have communication gap, whenever i want to talk him, he does not reply.
Response:
wa `alaykum salam
First of all I am answering you not culture-wise but Shari`ah-wise. The only one that you are allowed to hear from him is your husband.
Second, the only thing expected from you Shari`ah-wise is to look after your children and your husband’s necessities. So listening to your husband’s father and what he does is second priority and is not an obligation. That cannot be imposed by force but only by acceptance and tolerance.
You said your husband is praying too much and reciting Darood Taj 1000 times and while `ibadah is important in human life and saves you from hellfire, still he has to know that marriage is half of the religion according to the Prophet (s). And if he has wudu and touches your hand Allah takes sins from him, that is one of the secrets of marriage. Both sides when they are together, after doing their worship obligations, by having that relationship it takes sins away. That must come first, then he can do extra voluntary worship.
Now culture-wise they think a wife comes only to clean and to cook and they want her to do everything as if they never cooked in their life and never cleaned. Before they got married who was cooking and cleaning? This is a problem that many people face.
My opinion is that if you are able to keep patient ok, and if not then you must openly discuss this issue with your husband. If there is no way to keep like this, then you have to ask from your husband a separate house, and he has to provided it according to Shari`ah, sakanun shari`, a legitimate legal house for the wife, separate from the whole family.
w ‘Allahu `alam
Shaykh Muhammad Hisham Kabbani
