Question:
When i was a teenager i did some extreemly stupid things that i wish i could change alhamdulliah Allah SWT guided me to where i am today and i am eternally thankful for that, I feel like i have made some improvements but i uderstand that it is minute in reality however recently i keep thinking about the sins i have commited in my life and i feel like they are still a burden on me, i dont know if i am repenting properly or if the shaytaan is wispering in my ears telling me that i am a bad person or if Allah SWT is upset with me. Alhmdullilah i have been getting some good dreams and thoughts however at the same time i think about how bad i am and how i may never be forgiven. What should i do? Is Allah SWT angry with me?
Answer:
Remembrance of past sins humbles us and keeps us in supplication for forgiveness at the Divine door just as Prophet (s) taught us and likes us to do. Our masters said that in such a case you keep bringing up a fresh repentance and this grants high levels insha-Allah, as well as more self-control and Salawat (because it brings to mind the perfection of Prophet and power of Awliya next to whom we feel shame). This is the characteristic of the Self-blaming soul (al-nafs al-lawwama) which means you are progressing spiritually.
Hajj Gibril Haddad
