Question:
ASLAM-ALLAIKUM(wrwb)
May Allah swt bless u all for your magnificent work.
I have been married with my wife now for about 8 weeks nearly Alhamdulillah. I love her more than she will ever know. She is my life but the problem is we sometimes argue and bicker. She gets very defensive and angry which then gets me angry. We both know it’s pathetic and childish but it still re-occurs. At times it really stresses me out but I don’t show her, and I joke it off as she has been through a lot when she was young and I don’t want to worry her. BUT it gets me thinking all sorts and I am worried all this will tear us apart. She cant see at times the amount I care for her and love her. Can you please make dua for us and recommend a dua for me. WaSalamJZK
Answer:
wa `alaykum salam,
Mawlana Shaykh Muhammad Nazim al-Haqqani says the first six months of marriage is honeymoon, so don’t let bickering spoil it.
Insha-Allah Mawlana Shaykh Hisham Kabbani is praying for your tranquility.
As you said it is childish. That is how you know it is from the spoiled childish ego, an-nafs at-tifl al-madhmumah. Our mashaykh teach to rid ourselves of that, the key is to pray Salat an-Najat shortly before Fajr and do a sajda afterwards in which we recite:
kama takul an-nar al-hataba, hakadha yakulu `amali jami`yan al-hasadu mutassila fiya, fa khalasni minhu ya rabbi wa khalasni aydan `ani ‘l-ghadab an-nafsani wa `an nafs at-tifli’ l-madhmuma wa `ani ‘l-akhlaq adh-dhamima. wa baddil ya rabbi akhlaqi jami`yyan ila akhlaqin hamidatin wa af`alin hasana.
O my Lord! Just as fire consumes firewood, in the same way the envy which is rooted in me consumes all my actions. Purify me, O my Lord, from it and purify me, too, from the anger of my ego. Rid me as well, O my Lord, of the blameworthy ego of the child and reprehensible manners. And, O my Lord, change all my manners to laudable manners and into good actions.
Per Shaykh Hisham, I advise myself and you both to recite 100x ya Halim and 500x ya Samad, also preferably before Fajr, or anytime, consistently daily, to drop anger down.
As Mawlana Shaykh Hisham Kabbani often says, “it takes two hands to clap just as it takes two to quarrel. If one hand remains still, there will be no sound.”
Taher Siddiqui
