Question:
ASMK
My husband is the only man I have ever been with. NO MAN HAS EVER touched me-we’ve been married for 2.5 years. I recently had a pap smear done and found HPV in my body. I went nuts and found out it is only sexually transmitted. ONce, I told him, he admitted to being sexually active before me, i don’t know how many women, all i know is i am the one paying for his sins. I can’t look at this man, i can’t forgive him. He made me believe I was the first one he had sexual relations with and now i am left with a STD that is not my fault. I want to know what Islam says I can do. I can’t tell my parents, it would kill them, I dont know if i can ever forgive him. Please help me
Jazak Allah
Answer:
Salam alaykum,
The Law allows divorce on the grounds of a repulsive or harmful physical condition in a spouse so it is up to you if you want to demand it.
At the same time, since you bring up the topic of forgiveness twice, consider his intention and his spiritual state through this checklist: was he aware all along of his physical condition and the possibility of contamination? was it his intention to harm you in any way? did he repent sincerely of his past unlawful acts even though he cannot take back their consequences? In light of the answers you may determine his actual degree of moral responsibility and whether or not you can bring yourself to treat this situation as unexpected on both sides — even though he is the means through which it happened.
Also, take good care of how you feel toward Allah Most High in this context. It is normal you hate your spouse for that situation just as you would love him if he gave you a million dollars. But in our faith the good and the bad are all from Allah Most High so it is important to check your heart and ensure that your interaction at “ground zero” is with Allah Most High; do you forgive Him? If yes then that is patience and fortitude (sabr) which also demands our not being scandalized and upset at the tests Allah Most High puts us through. Means are secondary. This is as far as creed is concerned but it may be the whole thing is meant as a test for your respective faiths and a way to face this together, heal together, and grow spiritually.
Hajj Gibril Haddad
