Question:
Beloved community, I have been married for almost four years now, and i’ve been struggling to deal with my husband’s habit and constant need to smoke marijuana: a great subject of contention for us & source of much argument. Nothing i can say or do.
Answer:
Audhubillahiminashaytanirajeem
BismillahirRahmanirRahim
As-salaam alaikum,
Addiction/drug abuse is a common problem, yet complex and painful, impacting spiritual, psychological, physical and social realms. People use for various reasons, often to avoid a particular feeling, or aspect of self/life that needs to heal. It temporarily covers a hole that needs to be filled with consciousness and wisdom, yet shaytan does not want this. It should be understood that areas of self or pain people avoid are often doors to greater spiritual growth and liberation. We all face challenges embedded in the nafs, and by Allah’s mercy we are able to confront and overcome them during the course of our lives. As Allah revealed in Surah Yusuf:
وَمَا أُبَرِّئُ نَفْسِي إِنَّ النَّفْسَ لأَمَّارَةٌ بِالسُّوءِ إِلاَّ مَا رَحِمَ رَبِّيَ إِنَّ رَبِّي غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ
Nor do I absolve my own self (of blame): the (human) soul is certainly prone to evil, unless my Lord do bestow His Mercy: but surely my Lord is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surah Yusuf, 12:53)
As the hadith of our Prophet (saws) says:
On the authority of Abu Saeed al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) who said:
I heard the Messenger of Allah say, “Whoever of you sees an evil must then change it with his hand. If he is not able to do so, then (he must change it) with his tongue. And if he is not able to do so, then (he must change it) with his heart. And that is the slightest (effect of) faith.” (Recorded in Muslim)
We cannot change people, only the way we relate to them as a test in improving our understanding, perception and character. This change begins by immersing ourselves in zikr and contemplation/meditation daily to heal our views and responses to life in nearness to Allah and His Messenger (saws). Keeping the awrad of a Shaykh helps us tune to the Light of God within. Or to begin with, Hasbunallah wa ni’m al wakeel 100x or more a day and Salawat 100x consistently. Take care of your inner life and model the behavior and communication that befits your dignity with Allah, being straightforward but not argumentative nor falling into rage and desperation. InshaAllah khair. Step by step. May Allah intercede and bring about healing in yours, his life and the life of the Ummah of Muhammad to which we belong.
Wallahu ‘Alam,
Kamau Ayubbi
