Question:
Hello Asalaamalaikum, I had a personal question that I needed some information on from a Sufi perspective since it’s really been affecting me, am I able to ask and maybe you may ask the sheikh for me?
I came back to my parents home to visit, and since my arrival my husband told me don’t come back, his family n him are forcing me to get a khula so they won’t have to give me hak mehr, I’ve waited over 9 months now to get over our problems but they are not making any attempt, he blocks me and doesn’t contact me, his family they are not sending money for divorce, they are not signing any paper work, they want me to suffer, I have found out he is committing zina with sex workers, still he is not giving me divorce, how can I end this easily since there is no involvement in his end? I’m sorry for sharing but I don’t know how to end this! Thank you!
Answer:
Waalaykumussalam warahmatullah.
Divorce was already effected on the part of your husband by his telling you not to come back from your parents’ home. You should have started you `idda from the time your received that message.
Khula is a payment to the husband on the part of the wife in exchange for a final divorce which he effects in her presence and in the presence of witnesses. However, since in this case the husband already issued a divorce then he has pre-empted the wife’ need for khula. Divorce has been effected, `idda is due by the wife, and the full remittance of the mahr is due by the husband if marriage was consummated. The establishment of divorce is not affected by whether the latter is remitted or not. However, by refusing to remit the latter then the husband has disobeyed Allah’s command in Surat al-Nisa’ 4:20 and the Sunna of the Prophet, upon him blessings and peace.
If the wife’s faithfulness in marriage is being impugned by the husband, i.e. if she is accused of adultery, while it is denied by the wife, then separation can be effected through li`an (mutual cursing) before witnesses as described in Surat al-Nur 24:6-9.
You may appoint an arbitrator from your family representing your interests and he may appoint one from his side to the same effect. These arbitrators can communicate together then report back to each of their respective sides until either of the above options is followed.
In light of this heavy divine test the best course for you would be to also make daily istighfar at all times and resign your matter to Allah with sincere repentance.
Hajj Gibril Haddad
