Question:

I am married and had sex with a boy. I did not do anal but just kiss and oral.I am not sure if this is Zina but I know this is a Sin.I think about it all the time and very unhappy about it and confused too. May Allah forgive me for my sin and help me out.

Answer:

While it is not zina, it is as close as you can get and a sin.

Allah said,

قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

Say!: “[Thus speaks God:] ‘O you servants of Mine who have transgressed against your own selves! Despair not of God’s mercy: behold, God forgives all sins – for, verily, He alone is much-forgiving, a dis­penser of grace!’ ” (Surat az-Zumar, 39:53)

Ask forgiveness through the intermediary of Prophet (s).

In a recent suhbat, Shaykh Hisham Kabbani said:

Allah said in Holy Qur’an–do you believe in the Holy Qur’an? Yes. We come, we are sinners, but we believe in the Holy Qur’an and we believe it is Allah’s Words: al-Qur’an an-naatiqi, the Qur’an that talks to people, and Allah says in the Holy Qur’an:

وَلَوْ أَنَّهُمْ إِذ ظَّلَمُواْ أَنفُسَهُمْ جَآؤُوكَ فَاسْتَغْفَرُواْ اللّهَ وَاسْتَغْفَرَ لَهُمُ الرَّسُولُ لَوَجَدُواْ اللّهَ تَوَّابًا رَّحِيمًا

If they had only, when they were unjust (oppressor) to themselves, come to you and asked Allah’s forgiveness, and the Messenger had asked forgiveness for them, they would have found Allah indeed Oft-Returning, Most Merciful. (Surat an-Nisaa, 4:64)

That is Allah saying in a living ayah, it is not dead, astaghfirullah. Qur’an abadiyya, sarmadiyya daiman Kalaamullah. Allah says in the Holy Qur’an, when you do something wrong, what do you do? You run to those who support you to prevent you from being hanged or killed, so they appoint for you the best lawyers. And Allah made it easy for us. Will you buy dunya for Akhirah? No, we buy dunya to disappear before Akhirah. So Allah mentioned in that verse when we have done something wrong go to the Prophet (s), and this verse came for the Sahaabah (r). Wa law annahum zhalamoo anfusahum, “When they have oppressed themselves by committing a sin they should run to the Prophet (s),” and Allah did not say in this verse to ‘run to Allah’, but to ‘run to the Prophet (s)’. That is a higher level, fa firroo il-Allah – flee to Allah! So we have to be alert when we recite the Holy Qur’an.

Allah is saying it to the Sahaabah (r) and at the same time it is to us, because Holy Qur’an is for everyone in every time, for dunya and Akhirah. And Allah said, “When they oppressed themselves they come to you, yaa Muhammad.” Finished, the ayah is clear! How do they say the Prophet (s) has no power on that? So we in the 1st century or 2nd, 3rd, 10th, 19th or 20th, all are concerned about that ayah, it speaks to them as it is not only for one time to the Sahaabah, it is until the Day of Judgment! On Judgment Day, to whom do we run? To Sayyidina Muhammad (s), is it not? Is that shirk? Don’t they say, “Go directly to Allah.” But on Judgment Day we run to whom, to Allah or to the Prophet (s)? Through him, he takes you to Allah (swt). So he is the one on Yawm al-Mahshar that all prophets and all their nations will come to, is it not?

أنا سيد ولد آدم ولا فخر

I am the Master of the Children of Adam and I say this with no pride. (Musnad Ahmad)

We run to the Prophet (s). So the ayah says, wa law annahum idh zhalamoo anfusahum jaa’ook. The kaf refers to the Prophet (s). So they come to you: do you come to someone who is veiled or to someone who can see? You go to someone who can see. The Prophet (s) is present and watching. So immediately when you commit a sin, you remember and ask forgiveness. At that moment, the Prophet (s) comes to you and he opens his door for you, he is expecting you, so it means a sinner will come to the door of Prophet (s) and the Prophet (s) is expecting him and he asks Allah’s forgiveness. And where do you ask forgiveness of Allah? In the presence of the Prophet (s)!

Everyone is seeking Reality, but out of arrogance people are stubborn in their minds: they know the Reality, but they don’t want to say it. They know:

وإعلموا أن فيكم رسول الله

And know Allah’s Messenger is in you. (Surat al-Hujuraat, 49:7)

They know that the Prophet (s) is among us, but their arrogance does not let them say that. I am not speaking of unbelievers, I am speaking of those who say, “Ash-hadu an laa ilaaha illa-Llah wa ash-hadu anna Muhammadu ‘r-Rasoolullah.” Don’t be arrogant to the Prophet (s), then he will take you to the Presence of the Prophet (s).

So this is the way and correct approach of Istighfar:
O Prophet of Allah! We came to you, your Presence, so don’t make us far from it and present us to the Presence of Allah clean and pure; take our hands to reach Reality!

Allah knows best,

Taher Siddiqui