Question:
Assalamu’alaykum yaa Sayyidi…
May I ask you another question? That is, after back from shafar to Lefke and Istanbul, I feel my ibadah (in general term) tended to decline, qualitatively and quantitatively. And I also make so many mistakes, though I tried to repentance and make istighfar. I also feel that the “light” is not as bright/strong as the condition the time I just back from the shafar.
The other thing is about my murakabah to Mawlana Syaikh Nadzim. When I met him and also after the shafar, it’s very easy to feel his presence and to have vision of his face and his whole body. The murakabah, according to my standard, is very clear and strong. But now it’s not like the previous condition. Is it because of I made so many mistakes? What should I do yaa Sayyidi? Please give me nasihah.
Syukron yaa Sayyidi…
was-Salaam,
Answer:
wa `alaykum salam,
What you described is because of two tests:
1- Being around Mawlana Shaykh Nazim, as Mawlana Shaykh Hisham explained many times – may Allah sanctify their souls – exposes one to the ambient spiritual problems of the people there and this carries consequences. It is the same as when one helps someone else with their spiritual obstacles, heaviness results because one takes them on. Hence, what our masters carry of other people’s difficulties is indescribable. Mawlana referred to this in several suhbas in which he mentioned the anecdote of Mawlana Jalal al-Din Rumi when he was asked: “Why are your murids so misbehaved?” He replied: “Because our zawiya is a bimaristan (mental asylum); if they had no need of guidance, they would not come here.”
2- The second reason is that in this Tariqa the spiritual veils are removed from the top down, not the other way around as in other Tariqas. Hence, any unveiling or miraculous experience is a step backwards, not forward as most of us think. When that is removed and the sweetness is no longer experienced, we think we have gone backward when in fact we are progressing.
So what you described is normal but you must grasp the lessons from that state and not let it play havoc on you; so many people come back with wrong demeanor and may even stop attending their local dhikr! Persevere and trust as mentioned in the last verse of Surat Al `Imran:
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱصۡبِرُواْ وَصَابِرُواْ وَرَابِطُواْ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تُفۡلِحُونَ
{O ye who believe! Endure, outdo all others in endurance, be ready, and observe your duty to Allah, in order that ye may succeed} 3:200.
Hajj Gibril Haddad
