Question:
Salaam
I am a 34 year old British Muslim who has been divorced twice and currently in his thrid marriage. My current wife is from Pakistan and has been living with me in the U.K. for three years, When she got here she confessed that There was boy in Pakistan that she liked and that she used to exchange letters with, although a little shocked I wished that the family had told me this before the marriage as this may have made me decide against the marriage. Since she’s been with me we havent got on at all. When she first got here I was accused of accusing her of having a relationship with her nephew. Another time she told her sister in law that I had accused her of having men around the house while I was at work eventually when I found out about this I confronted her in front of her sister in law and she denied saying anything to her sister in law. However her sister in law swore that there was no mistake and she did tell her that I accused her. Another time she abused me in a digusting manner and then stood there and laughed at me. It’s a little difficult to list everything that’s gone on between us and I also understand that you’re only getting my side of the story. Recently I was asked if she could go and stay with her brother and I said no ( I had reasons for this). When I came back from work I found that she had gone to her brothers, taken her gold and her passport (passport now has a stamp allowing her to stay in the U.K.). After careful consideration I have decided that I want to divorce based on the fact that I dont think were compatible we both have different views on what we want out of life. I’m not perfect but when I got married I was clean shaven and now have a beard and attempting to work on doing justice to my soul, However she’s the total opposite. I want a divorce, however, because I have had two before I’m starting to question my judgement not really sure if i’m in the right frame of mind or capable of making my own decisions ( i understand nobody can make this decision for me) I just want to know if i’m doing the right thing if I dont see a future together with this women please help.
Answer:
Marriage, divorce and distant travel are the three things which must be referred to your shaykh before proceeding.
Our Prophet (s), while being Master of all things and whose light is the Source-spring of created beings, nevertheless, was ordered by His Lord:
وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الأَمْرِ
wa shawirhum fi’l-amr
And take counsel with them in all matters of public concern; (aali-`Imran, 3:159)
Thus taking counsel is essential in these three matters which relate to both this dunya and to our afterlife.
Now in the matter of marriage, it is often recommended that you seek someone suitable and compatible not only in religion, but also in background, language and culture. If not, many misunderstandings may ensue with the couple, the parents, the in-laws and even with friends and acquaintances. For that reason, our shaykhs are careful to pair us with spouses that are from either a similar background or a compatible background, and this is known in fiqh as kafa’at.
w’Allahu `alam
Staff
