Question:
Dearest Shaykh, Assalamu alaykum,
I am a virgin looking on marriage websites for a suitable marriage partner. Currently, I am communicating with a man overseas. I like many things about him and feel that we may well be compatible as far as I can see, but he has asked me for my full name and my mother’s name as he wishes to do ‘istekhara‘ he said.
I know from my own bad experiences with black magic in my country that black magicians also use the mother’s name to do black magic on a person and that one should not ever give one’s full name and one’s mother’s name to anyone, so I did not give him what he asked for.
I like everything about this brother; he is religious. But he is married to a woman with whom he has ‘no physical or mental relationship’ he says and he says he does not have the money to divorce her.
He would like to leave his corrupt country and live in The West or in The Middle East.
I am not good at doing ‘istekhara‘ and wonder if I should forget this guy and look closer to home for someone. However, I have been looking for someone for 22 years and this man seems sweet, loving, intelligent etc. I do not know what to do? Plus, I do not have the financial means to ‘import’ him into my Western country and my father will not help me financially or in any other way.
My connection with Maulana does not seem strong as I am not a very good mureed in terms of discipline and dedication, even though I do try, I feel.
Please can you say something to help me decide about this man?
Gratefully Yours, A Perplexed and Inexperienced Young Woman.
Answer:
wa `alaykum salam,
Your heart is giving you the warnings too many “fishy” things with this man. Be careful, marriage is not like buying shoes. You cannot even buy shoes online and get a good pair, they will be too big, too small, tight, wrong color, etc. So be careful.
was-salam,
Taher Siddiqui,
reviewed and approved by Shaykh Hisham Kabbani
