During some hardships and stress I found myself falling into sins. Whilst chatting and flirting I removed my hijab, it’s the first time I showed myself this way usually I’m safeguarded…..but my desires were ahead of me. I’m so ashamed, how do I repent.
As Mawlana Shaykh Hisham Kabbani says, recite salawat on Prophet (s) and make istighfar as if in his presence (imagine yourself in front of the Rawdat ash-Sharifa) and Allah forgives all sins, especially when done by this method, and Allah knows best.
Mawlana Shaykh Hisham said, in a suhbat on 18 June 2016:
Look at Allah’s Mercy: when you praise Him He gives you everything. Allah loves the `abd who praises Him by always saying, “Alhamdulillah, shukran lillah, Allahu Akbar” and who makes salawaat on His Prophet (s).
وَلَوْ أَنَّهُمْ إِذ ظَّلَمُواْ أَنفُسَهُمْ جَآؤُوكَ فَاسْتَغْفَرُواْ اللّهَ وَاسْتَغْفَرَ لَهُمُ الرَّسُولُ لَوَجَدُواْ اللّهَ تَوَّابًا رَّحِيمًا
If they had only, when they were unjust (oppressor) to themselves, come to you and asked Allah’s forgiveness, and the Messenger had asked forgiveness for them, they would have found Allah indeed Oft-returning, Most Merciful. (Surat an-Nisaa, 4:64)
Everyone knows that we have to come to Prophet (s) in every `amal, because we are zhaalim, an oppressor on every `amal we do, we are not doing it perfectly. Wa law annahum idh zhalamoo anfusahum, “When they are oppressing themselves,” “themselves” here means oppressing the `amal they are doing. When we say, “Allahu Akbar” and enter in prayer, how many gossips and bad thoughts come to our ears? We are making a soup of our prayers, but it’s accepted. Allah’s Mercy accepts it and gives us rewards but we have to admit that we are zhaalim to our `amal, and that we need to go to Prophet (s). One day the Sahaabah (r) did something and Prophet was not happy, Allah was not happy with four of them. They had to come to Prophet (s) to apologise and make istighfaar in his presence and that khitaab. When the Qur’an says something it’s not only for Sahaabah, it’s for the whole Ummah and the whole universe! He said, wa law annahum idh zhalamoo anfusahum, “If they had only, when they were unjust (oppressor) to themselves….”
Our ego always wants to be partners with Allah (swt). That’s why Prophet (s) mentioned ash-shirk al-khafiyy; who would know about it if Prophet (s) did not mention it? By ‘shirk’ we understand we are mushrikoon, those who associate someone with Allah (swt), but we say, “No, we are ghayr mushrik,” although Prophet (s) said, “No, you are; there is ash-shirk al-khafiyy.” It’s your desires, ego, bad nafs that push you to do something, push you to say, Anaa, anaa, al-anaaniyya, al-ana, “I am, I can do that, I did that, I got that,” while in reality, Allah did that!
When we oppress ourselves, where must we go? To Prophet (s), jaa’ooka f ’astaghfaroollaaha, “They come to you, they ask forgiveness from Allah (swt).” It is still not accepted, it’s still in preliminary stages and needs Prophet’s Seal to be accepted. W’astaghfara lahumu ‘r-rasoolu la-wajadoo ’Llaaha, “And when Prophet (s) makes istighfaar for them, they will find Allah (swt) tawwaaba ‘r-raheemah, Oft-returning, Most Merciful.”