I am ashamed to say that I have developed pride and self admiration, especially related to knowledge. I don’t recall having these qualities before but now they are destroying my daily life and above all, my connection with Allah SWT. My heart has hardened, became more in-genuine (in speech too) and lost understanding of haqq. I’m try to go back to my old self but I get confused if I have the “pride of not having pride (humility).” I want to love for others what I love for myself, which I was able to do before but now I’m having a hard time doing so. My thoughts look at negative qualities of people more even though I’m trying to seek refuge in Allah SWT and correct my thinking. I feel this evil has entered me and has been taking control more and more of me ever since I became an adult. I feel doomed sometimes due to this. Kindly advise. JazakAllahKhair
Insha Allah, Mawlana Shaykh Hisham will pray for you. Taming the ego, suppressing one’s pride and arrogance, these take time and constant efforts. Please read this previous post for information on taming the ego.