Admission of past sins to potential wife

Question:

Peace be upon you.

I am currently speaking to a lady online for the purposes of marriage. Unfortunately, in the past I committed the sin of having premarital sexual relations. I am worried that she will ask me about my previous experience at some point.

I do not want to lie to her, but at the same time I am worried my admission might upset her or ruin my chances. I really love this woman and wish to marry her, so I am very worried.

I know that God is “al-Sattar” who covers our sins, so I am thinking perhaps it is permitted for me not to mention my previous experiences. But then at the same time, if she asks me directly, then I am telling a brazen lie.

I am not sure what to do here.

Thank you very much for your help and God bless you.

Answer:

wa `alaykum salam,

Allah (swt) said, as you mentioned, “He is as-Sattar”¬†and Allah will forgive His servant when they repent. So Islamically it is not necessary to mention anything to her. And I confirm that you don’t need to tell her anything. She doesn’t need to know about your past and if she asks you, say nothing, say, “No, I didn’t.” She will not ask you this and you should not expect that, but if she does, then say, “I have no experience, I am a virgin.” And in fact, you are not cheating after your marriage, as that is something that happened before you repented. It is not a lie, for when Allah (swt) forgives it is finished. As the Prophet (s) said, “Who repents from a sin is as if he had no sin.” (Ibn Majah, sahih) So don’t confuse yourself!

Shaykh Muhammad Hisham Kabbani

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