Difficulty Breaking the Hymen


Assalamualaikum Hajjah Naziha,

I am a 30ish year-old petite Muslim lady who has recently gotten married. My husband is a Westerner in his fifties. I was a virgin when we got married while my husband was not. He had previously been married and does have children.

My issue is that I am experiencing difficulty having sexual intercourse with my husband for the first time. We have tried having sex at least thrice, but each time penetration was very difficult, painful for me and unsuccessful. It is turning out to be very frustrating for him and is affecting our relationship.

As I am estranged from my family and am unable to turn to neither my mother nor my aunts for advice on this very personal female issue, I am hoping the respected Hajjah Naziha might provide me with direction for my situation.

Thank you.


Hajah Faridah (Shaykh Gibril’s wife) says:

`Alaykum Salam,

Pain is normal at first. Try to relax because you have additional causes that may make you tense. You are separated from relatives (in time they will accept), age difference, he also has children. Additionally some Western people do not understand or appreciate the difference between virgin and non-virgin, so frustration follows. At that age and culture also a man may expect more “experience” and so becomes confused at the reverse. You may explain to him that it is like a door that has never been opened before, and also there is too much going on in your mind. When it comes to sexual just focus on sexual. Keep it romantic, use foreplay, olive oil for massage… Have patience and continue trying. After hymen breaks it will get better in sha Allah.

Hajah Faridah

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