I’ve met someone who intends to marry me. He generally has good deen and character, however he and his family don’t believe in wasilah, and are not mureeds. They believe we can ask directly from Allah ta’ala.
Am I responsible for trying to influence his thinking?
My understanding is that the husband should be the leader of the home, how can that be if I will be the one teaching him certain important aspects and not vice versa? Especially in raising children, I hope for a husband to be at least knowledgeable and practicing of things as wasilah.
What can be said to him to redirect his understanding of visiting Auliya Allah and asking through them and not to them. Should I continue speaking with him with intention of marriage?
Fundamental differences, even if they can be discussed intellectually, nevertheless are not the ingredients of a good match, especially in light of your and your family’s strong beliefs on this point. For example if one is a tariqa person and their prospective spouse is anti-tariqa it will create difficulties even if everyone is willing to discuss matters very reasonably; because a successful marriage requires more than just reasonable logic and mutual education, it involves an effective or emotional harmony of hearts even on marginal matters sometimes, not to mention doctrinal ones.
Perhaps you will see reasons to go ahead and build up the relationship if there is hope of spiritual growth; but if not, then you are not responsible to guide others when they do not depend on you.
Hajj Gibril Haddad