Is it Love or Desire ?


aslamao Alaykom wr wb Sayyidi

May Allah bless everyone of YOU, whoever is reading

I knw a Girl since skl, we used to call each other bro n sis n turned out to fall in love, now i’ve finished skl/college n going to uni soon InshAllah, we chat with each other a lot n I’m afraid tht this is from my egoistic desires not my LOVE n afraid tht this may Stop me from my spiritual progression, because of this i’ve tried it many times to stop contact with her but me n her both get moody, unhappy n depress when we don’t talk… I can’t marry her now cause i’m only 19 will do so if permission is given after uni… my question is do i’ve to leave contact with her or chatting is fine ?

May Allah forgive me for everything, in need of Mawlana’s prayer Astaghfirullah


wa `alaykum salam,

It is not a question of whether it is love or desire. In our understanding these are closely tied to each other, for love between men and women is not the same as love of Allah, the Prophet (s) and the Saints. Rather it is desire-based and that is something natural which Allah has placed between men and women. It can only be fulfilled through the satisfaction of desire through halal, i.e. marriage.  Therefore even if you can’t marry now, it is best to get engaged in a khutba ceremony (sometimes called a conditional nikah, with the condition you will not live together until such and such occurs or until such a date) or alternatively an engagement (Fatiha).  In this way your chatting is halal and you are under the protection of nikah, or at least, in the case of engagement, the intention of future nikah.

Otherwise, you will find it difficult to stop chatting, or worse you may seek others and end up in wrongdoing, may Allah protect you and us. Therefore it is better to tie yourself strongly by getting engaged and then you have some time to plan the wedding.

Taher Siddiqui

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