I have been through a painful phase of my life with evil thoughts during prayers and wherever I am because I often always remember Allah Almighty. By knowledge I knew it was shaitan responsible for these thoughts but I convinced myself that it was me. That’s how I became even fearful that it got worse where I felt as if in my heart I may have spoken of them as I experience tightness in my head and chest, like it pins you down. Please pray that this never happens again as this nearly made me commit suicide as I cannot live in this world without remembering my Lord. I think I also suffer from sihir as I can see black smoke. When doing zikr have to continously remind myself not to remember as I feel as if I don’t know what I am thinking or saying at times.
Allah Most High said He did not reveal the Qur’an to create misery and He said the power of Shaytan is weak. Allah orders us to be happy for His munificence and mercy which consists in our being followers of the Mercy to the worlds, Prophet Muhammad upon him blessings and peace. Let us humbly thank Him and be happy. We worship Him, not our own remembrance of Him; nor do we make a big deal of our obedience or disobedience. We ask for firmness and a good ending. So persevere with good thoughts, because Allah will strengthen you through gratitude, not through angst.
Hajj Gibril Haddad