Salam. Recently I have realized that there is not a single relative in my life except I have hurt them deeply and betrayed them, especially mother, wife, children, but also siblings, inlaws, even servants. I am like a wolf in sheeps clothing or pig or scorpion astaghfirullah. and deeply selfish, nafs-centred, short-tempered, on top of it judgmental. But to strangers perfect acting. I am afraid for myself that I am munafiq. I force myself ibada but no taste and no connection. I love you deeply Sayyidi you are the biggest miracle in my life but my shame is greater to even look at your picture. I feel maybe I have a mental disability because I tried for 20-30 years to become a better person but it is getting worse. Help me.
Recite 100 times: Ya Hafizh Ya Sattar Ya Qadir daily and Insha-Allah you will be better.
Shaykh Muhammad Hisham Kabbani