I’m a revert and married, A few years ago I lost myself completely all be it at a time when I thought I was high in iman, my arrogance nearly destroyed my marriage. I some how found myself in a relations with an Imam whom I had trusted to guide me. I feel responsible although my therapist and friends seems to think i wasn’t mentally strong enough to battle my ego and I let zina happen out of my control. I repented immediately. I anticipate death and welcome it, as then I will know, and if I’m one of the ones who has to be thrown in the pit of hell, well I deserve it. This is effecting my mental health and i feel utterly lost. How do I know if Allah forgives me?
Allah Most High said “Do not despair of the mercy of Allah; Allah forgives all sins” therefore when repentance is sincere one must firmly believe that one is forgiven. Say Astaghrifullah 1,000x daily for a period of 40 days, keep your obligations and move on with acts of obedience, do not sin again, keep it to yourself, and stay away from whatever comes near that kind of mistake. May Allah make you and us of the people of Paradise.
Hajj Gibril Haddad