AssalamuAlaikum Sheikh, Allahuma Sali Ala Sayidina Muhammad Wa Ala AliHi Wa SahbiHi Wa Salim ,
Sorry for taking up your time. I have lots of problems with myself. I have a very big ego and am very proud. Also I am stone hearted. Could you please pray for me and my family and tell me what I can do to take away my stone heartedness and my other problems ,
wa `alaykum salam,
As we said in suhbat yesterday, the Shaykh said to his mureed with a big ego to take a basket of walnuts and go to the masjid and sit there. Everyone who comes inside, give him your shoes to beat you on your head. If he beats you one time, give him one walnut and if he beats you 2 times give him 2 walnuts. Then when you are done and head is swollen, come back and I give you the next step.
What I want to say is our ego is so big that it is destroying him or her. That is what is making problems between husband and wife, and between children. No one is trying to be patient on the other. I have a rule with my wife. When she is upset I keep quiet and when I am upset she keeps quiet.
So make sure not to listen to your ego. What destroyed humanity is ego. When Shaytan whispered in the ear of Adam (a.s.), he whispered to the self, and the self always likes to be eternal. So Shaytan said, “you will be eternal” and he stepped over what Allah ordered him not to do and ate from the tree. Try to polish the ego. Cut it down. Accept what others are saying. That is why in Sayyidina Musa’s (a.s.) shari`ah there is revenge. You take revenge by your hand – eye for eye, tooth for tooth – you begin to do this and the one who began the fight is the oppressor.
In Sayyidina `Isa’s (a.s.) shari`ah, if he hits you on right cheek you turn to your left cheek. That is the one. He beats you on the right, one walnut, turn your face, 2 walnuts. That is the meaning.
In the Prophet’s (s) way, submit to Allah’s Wish or Will. Fighting is from Shaytan and peace is from Rahman. So for any 2 people fighting, the one who is fighting and not stopping has to know immediately that Shaytan is possessing that person at that moment. Sometimes you argue with your wife but in a peaceful way – that is no problem. But sometimes you are fighting with your wife. That is where you have to know the one who began the fight, Shaytan is possessing him. The other is saying,”I will not let Shaytan enter”. Then the fight will cool down. As tariqah people that is our duty.
Shaykh Muhammad Hisham Kabbani