Coping with Loss

Question:

Assalamalaikum
Please help me as I’m extremely depressed and unable to cope. After marriage and then separation husband has moved on easily but I’m still stuck emotionally. I have tried and am trying hard to forget those moments and days i spent in in laws house but still at times especially while I’m about to sleep or sometimes during the day I get stuck in those horrifying memories and i feel extremely dejected and worthless. It just feels like that I should end my life. My heart keeps asking me question “is it so easy for a man to be so unemotional”? and moreover i never even tried to react badly even in bad situations BUT in return got this pain.

As a woman how should i forget the days and horrible experience and emotional abuse i suffered?will my heart get healed?

Answer:

Alaykum as-Salam,

Mawlana Shaykh Hisham said not to think too much as thinking brings pain and depression.

Try to keep patient a little while more so that time will heal that wound in sha Allah. Recite Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum bi-rahmatika astaghith daily x100 and make abundant Salawat.

Hajj Gibril Haddad

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Poem of Hasan ibn Thabit

Question:

Shaykh Gibril,

Can you translate the poem by Hasan bin Thabit that begins:

w’amsat bilad alharami wahshan yaqa`uha…

Answer:

وَأَمْسَتْ بِلَادُ الْحُرْمِ وَحْشًا بِقَاعُهَا … لِغَيْبَةِ مَا كَانَتْ مِنْ الْوَحْيِ تُعْهَدُ
قِفَارًا سِوَى مَعْمُورَةِ اللّحْدِ ضَافَهَا … فَقِيدٌ يُبَكّينَهُ بَلَاطٌ وَغَرْقَدُ
وَمَسْجِدُهُ فَالْمُوحِشَاتُ لِفَقْدِهِ … خَلَاءٌ لَهُ فِيهِ مَقَامٌ وَمَقْعَدُ
وَبِالْجَمْرَةِ الْكُبْرَى لَهُ ثَمّ أَوْحَشَتْ … دِيَارٌ وَعَرَصَاتٌ وَرَبْعٌ وَمَوْلِدُ
فَبَكّي رَسُولَ اللّهِ يَا عَيْنُ عَبْرَةً … وَلَا أَعْرِفَنّكِ الدّهْرَ دَمْعُك يُجْمَدُ
وَمَا لَكِ لَا تَبْكِينَ ذَا النّعْمَةِ الّتِي … عَلَى النّاسِ مِنْهَا سَابِغٌ يُتَغَمّدُ
فَجُودِي عَلَيْهِ بِالدّمُوعِ وَأَعْوِلِي … لِفَقْدِ الّذِي لَا مِثْلُهُ الدّهْرَ
يُوجَدُ

… And the sanctified country has become desolate
After the disappearance of prophecy which descended on it,
Wild caves, except for the oft-visited side-niche dwelt
By the one they lost, wept by Balat [in Madina] and the gharqad-tree,
And also by his Mosque, filled with sad reminders of his loss:
His empty spots where he used to stand in prayer and where he sat,
And at the Major Stoning Station, there also he is missed
By houses and plains and dwelling quarters and his place of birth.
Therefore weep the Messenger of Allah O my eyes, with flowing tears,
And let me never catch you refraining for the rest of my life!
And why should you not weep the owner of favor
That bestowed it on the people who then basked in it?
So weep him and weep with profuse tears and sobs
For the loss of the one like whom none will ever exist….”
Hassan b. Thabit al-Ansari

Hajj Gibril Haddad

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Coping with past

Question:

Asak dear sheikh, I wanted to write my full story but the word count here does not allow. I’m is lost in past where I was used by my husband and laws as a scapegoat to do some treatment for their first daughter in law who was adamant and had gone away with child to her maternal home. I was used to fulfill this man’s lower self desires for 3 months and then was dumped by them and sad part is that his mother and sisters etc were also involved in his preplanning. Now I came to know that his first wife returned and they have another baby too. Why all this happened to me? Why was i used as a scapegoat? Am i so horrible to be used and thrown away so badly? What should i do sheikh? can i do dua for death? PLEASE HELP ME

Answer:

Allah Most High hears and sees and He will requite every injustice and compensate every victim. Do not be angry or sad but rather focus on the blessings He has given you. Ask Him for strength to cross through this test safely. When you turn to Him away from dunya, He puts everything under your feet. Do not ask for death but ask for a blessed life filled with good deeds. Through patience (sabr) He will bring you closer and closer to Him. Recite Hasbiya Allah, Rabbiya Allah x100-1000 daily.

Hajj Gibril Haddad

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Dream: Dead People

Dream:

I saw my Grandma in my dream wearing a white clothing, she was sitting on the sofa and she was laughing and also i was laughing with her.

Interpretation:

Bismillah ir Rahman ir Raheem

Seeing your grandma like that is a great news. Whatever you are doing is good. Or she is saying to you to be happy and thankful for the good life you are living. White means she is in a good state in the hereafter.

Masha’Allah
And Allah knows Best

Yassir Chadly

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