Question:
Assalamualeykum wr. wb Dear Shaykh
My question concerns regarding a particular family issue.
I would like to know what is Islamic view on looking after old parents. If they have children sons and daughters, whose responsibility is to look after them. What is a reward for looking after ones parents? And why before anything else, is so important to look after one’s parents? What the Holy Qur’an does say about parents and what is the sunna? As nowadays so many ‘practising’ Muslims seems to forget or misunderstand the importance of caring for their parents. It has become upon them like a burden. Jazak Allah for your reply. And I would like to ask for your pious duas.
Answer:
As-salamu `alaykum
Bismillahi ‘r-rahmani ‘r-rahim
Of course Islam pays so much attention to looking after parents. In Islam, taking care of parents is second to prayer. Parents have a right to expect care for them from their children. Caring for parents is a deed necessitated with responsibility that is so meritorious in the sight of Allah, that Insha Allah, the children shall have a special place for them in Jannah. So it should not be a burden for “pious” Muslims. Without our parents, we won’t be here. They raised us, spent for us, cared for us, even scolded us in order raise us well. There is nothing a child could do to repay the deeds of their parents for themselves.
The responsibility to look after them lies primarily with the sons, for they are the ones responsible to provide both for their parents when they are adults and working, and also for their own family upon marriage. Daughters are dependents of their fathers, but it is from piety and love that they too extend their assistance in caring for their parents alongside their brothers.
Allah swt says in Qur’an:
“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood’.” (Surah al-Isra’ 5:23-24)
So Allah swt commands us to be kind to our parents, to treat them well with respect and honour, and always to be humble in their presence. The du`a of the child for the parents is one of the greatest deeds. It is one of the three deeds of the child that will always be connected with rewards for the child and the parents. Prophet (s) says, “When a man dies, his acts come to an end, except in three cases: an ongoing charity, knowledge from which people continue to benefit, and a righteous child who prays for him.” (Muslim, Abu Dawud). He s.a.w. also says, “Let him be humbled into dust; let him be humbled into dust; Let him be humbled into dust. It was said: O Messenger of Allah! Who is he? He said: He who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter Paradise.” (Muslim). Meaning here that they missed out on Paradise because knowing they have elderly parents only to neglect them, depriving them of their care.
You may refer to this post on Bad Feelings to Mother, and Imam Nawawi’s Riyad al-Salihin on Dutifulness to Parents and Maintaining Ties of Kinship.
May Allah swt make us from His True servants who love and please their parents, and provide us the strength and means to serve them with love and honour for the rest of their lives!
Abdul Shakur Hadi
